Coming Out

Since I was 19 years old, I have been keeping a closely guarded secret. It was something I felt that if I shared it with anyone, they would turn their backs on me. That secret was....I'm bi. I always thought of myself being straight, but I would always find myself slightly attracted to men as well as women (FYI: I consider myself 50/50. 50 percent gay, 50 percent straight). It went on like this for years. Finally, when I was 19, I decided that I was bi...but I couldn't tell anyone about it, not even my closest friends. I was scared. I was scared that people would push me away or call me a faggot or say that I was going to hell for being bi or gay. Not to mention, I live in a small town and nearly everyone who lives here is very conservative and can be homophobic. I want to be out as a bisexual man, but I'm afraid that I will end up having my family turn on me or I wind up losing friends over it because they won't except a bisexual man. Well, they're just gonna have to get over it. I'm bi and that's all there is to it. Accept it or reject it.

If you are really my friend, then you will accept me for who I am.

When Trae Nice Met The Shields Brothers

December 11th, 2009. That's me with one of the hardest working bands in the area right now, The Shields Brothers. The Shields Brothers have been taking the DC area by storm with the release of their album and single, "Shark Attack". In fact, radio station D.C. 101 called the song "Shark Attack", the song of the summer. Tristan, Devin and Rory definitely are in a class by themselves when it comes to entertaining. But, the question is.....how did I meet this trio? Well, for that, we have to take a journey back about two years.

It was April 2009, two days before Easter and I was walking home from seeing some friends of mine put on a show at the W.A.R.F. center, when I stopped by Molly's Irish Pub to have a drink. When I got inside, the place was packed wall to wall and people were gettin' down to the sounds of The Shields Brothers. I was amazed by their performance and the music was totally on point. A week and a half later, at a little pub named McMahon's, the group was playing again and the party was kind of lacking. How to spice it up? I had an idea. I was gonna make it rain....dollar bills, that is. Long story short, I walked up to Tristan(or was it Devin?) and said, "Hope you got an umbrella". He didn't hear me. So, I had to show him what I meant. I took three steps forward, whipped out the cash and.....made it rain. The band goes crazy, the place goes wild. I go back to the bar, grab a cocktail and continue to lay low in the cut. The band went on break shortly after I made it rain and Rory, sporting a white lab coat and carrying a clipboard, came up to me and shook my hand, while telling me that he had never seen anyone do what I did. Tristan came up and I'm quite sure he liked what he saw, he was smiling from ear to ear. Needless to say, so were Rory and Devin. He asked me what my name was, I told them, "They call me Trae Nice". I made three new friends that night, but little did I know what was in the cards for me in the future.

In July of 2009, I was hanging out with the guys at this little hole in the wall bar, when I told them that I was a rapper. It was then that I dazzled them with my rapping genius. With Devin keeping the beat on his iPhone, I did a quick 16 or 24 bar piece for them, which blew them away. I believe that it was Tristan who suggested that I do a track with them. I happily accepted the challenge. At the time, I was looking to branch out and collaborate with any artist or band. I saw the reaction that they were getting and I thought that it would be awesome to do something with them.

That August, I jumped onstage with them for a song, which had the crowd going crazy. A month later, Tristan asked me to come to their studio and work out a track. Needless to say, I quickly said yes. I arrived at their quiet farm home in Rixeyville, a rural....area here in Northern Virginia, where I was greeted by their parents, who I must say are very cool people to know, and their two(now three) dogs, Belle and Figaro(who did nothing but bark at me. That dog must not like me). The boys were hard at work on songs when I came in. It was a very fun session, most fun I've had recording. I got a chance to see how they live and they live such a happy, yet peaceful life. Two weeks later, I performed with the band and made magic. Since then, I still talk to the guys, whenever our busy lives allows us, and we've all become friends. I consider them to be the most intelligent, down to earth people I've come across and I am very happy to have gotten the chance to meet them. Who knows if we will ever make another track again. If the chance came up again, I would jump on it without thinking about it.

Hello

Hello out there. My name is Trae C. Sharp, but I’m also known as Trae Nice or as “Trae Dog Night” to most of my friends. I’m 26 years old and I live in Fauquier County, Virginia in the small town of Warrenton. Most people think that I was born here, but in reality, I was not. I was born in Bremerhaven, Germany in the middle of a blizzard. I left Germany when I was five months old and came to the U.S. and settled in the state of Louisiana, in the small town of Fort Polk. A town that still had segregated schools and still was not very accepting to blacks, I still believe that the town has not changed it’s racist ways. I came to VA at the age of 3 and settled here in the town of Warrenton, a town in which my father and my mother grew up in. My father figured that we’d be better off living in Warrenton than living in the city. Needless to say, he was right.

Warrenton is an ok town to live in, great place to escape the stress and drama of the city and this town is great for those of you wanting to start a family and it’s great to raise kids here. But, this town is also super conservative. People around here think that being gay or non republican is a crime against nature. Mainly due to the fact that most of the population of this town AND of this county are super religious and would rather bury their heads in the sand than accept people for who they are. In all honesty, these people are still carrying the baggage of a past generation. A generation that was not accepting to people of a different race or people who are gay. I wish that people would just accept others for who they are, but some people would rather be closed minded than be open minded and if a person would rather live in their own little world and not be so quick to judge, SO BE IT!!!!


Over the years since I’ve been here, I’ve become attached to this town. Even though I feel that my heart is in another place, I enjoy life in a small town. There are so many things about Warrenton I enjoy, like walking down Main Street in Old Town for instance. On Friday or Saturday nights, you can usually find me at Molly’s Irish Pub, hanging out with friends and drinking some good dark stout beer. During the fall on Friday nights, high school football games are the talk of the town, typical for a small town anywhere you go. However, when it comes to big league football, The Washington Redskins and The Dallas Cowboys are the two teams of choice here, most of the residents of Warrenton are dedicated Redskins fans...except me. I'm sorry, but I would rather be a Giants fan versus being a Redskins or even a Cowboys fan.

Well, I think that about covers it.....Wait, you want to know more? Well, you're just gonna have to meet me in person.

The Downward Spiral

I was having a good year so far before an unforeseen tragedy completely slammed me off of the cloud I was floating on. I had just did the best show ever with Daycare Swindlers and I was super excited to work on my first studio project. But, in the spring of 2010, I received some devastating news from some family members in Michigan. I was informed about the death of one of my uncles to leukemia. It turns out that he had been sick for quite some time and I just did not believe it. I had just seen this uncle at a family reunion some time before and I didn't sense that something was up. It all just kind of disrupted my thought process. I just lost it. I stopped writing, I started ignoring my own goals, I just kind of drifted away from the things that made me happy. To top it all off, a gig that I was really looking forward to doing with The Pietasters had crumbled, which totally brought me down. So, I started doing Open Mic Nights at Molly's with my homeboy Mark from DCS and his then girlfriend Harley, which was pretty good. Except, I would get super hammered before going on stage. One night at Open Mic, I ripped into an audience member who was always badgering me to rap at every bar in town. I literally told him, "If you ask me again, I'm gonna castrate you and then make you eat them". I was serious. The final break came in May of 2010. Following a show in Purcellville, I got very drunk and threw a rapper off of the stage by the throat. I regret doing this. I remember being very disappointed in myself. I immediately went into counseling for depression two weeks after the show. I stopped rapping to focus on getting myself back together. I couldn't keep on living the way that I was. I had to change it.

In counseling, I discovered that my downward spiral was caused by me keeping my grief inside. Whenever I experienced a loss, I kept my emotions and sadness inside. Even when I lost a friend to a heroin overdose on my 24th birthday, I kept it all inside. When my uncle passed, I remember trying to keep it inside. That was until I checked my Facebook and saw a comment that Mark left on my page. I went out to the bar to get away from the house and I remember when he walked up to me, I couldn't say anything. I just totally broke down crying like a baby. I was told that I have been trying to hold everything in for far too long and that it was starting to affect me. After that, I started to let a lot of that pain and grief go and pull myself out of the hole I fell into. However, a house party I attended in October of 2010, put me back into the hole. I was drinking and somewhat stoned when I did 3 lines of percocet. In the middle of doing the third line, I came to my senses and asked myself, "What did I do?" "What have I done?" I ran out of the party, scared and upset for what I had done. I grabbed my cell and called up Mark and told him what I have done at the party. I went over to his house and told him all about it, trying not to break down, but it was hard. I was scared. I was ashamed of what I did. I never was the type to mess around with things like that. I saw it destroy lives before and I feared that I would turn into an addict. Thankfully, I didn't and also that Mark was there for support when I needed him. That right there is what you call a real friend. I'm forever grateful that he was there for me and he didn't push me away when I needed a friend. I'm still struggling from time to time with my problems, but I'm trying to find my own way and get back to being happy again. I feel that I'm on my way and it's only a matter of time before I acheive that.

Release

My rapping has taken me a lot of great places. I got a chance to play with many great musicians and great bands over the last 11 years. In fact, this month marks 11 years in show business for me. Right now, I'm sitting here with a glass of wine, thinking about some of the bands I have been blessed to work with.


First off, I had a great time working with The Shields Brothers last year. It got me a little notoriety in the club circuit around the area and I really enjoyed the whole experience, but unfortunately, some people didn't like the fact that I was performing with them. I didn't really care what some people thought about it. To me, it was a fun time and if the chance to play another show with them or record something with them came up, I'd jump on it in a heartbeat. I wouldn't have to think about it.


I had a awesome time performing with Daycare Swindlers, which unfortunately led to some problems. One major problem was someone (whom we will not say the name) was going around saying:

1. I was a member of DCS

2. People only come to their shows to see me, not them.

3. The band should pay me for having me rap

This really got to me. For a while, I didn't even want to listen to their records or even pick up the mic again. I can't believe that someone would have the audacity to go this far and say that. When I informed one of the members of the band about it, he was pissed. It made me want to stop rapping...seriously. I do this thing for the sake of just doing it, money is the last thing I think about or I don't think about it at all. Second, the people do not come to DCS shows to just see me, they come to DCS. Do I need to explain that? Last, but not least, I am quite happy being a dedicated fan of DCS versus being a member. My dad thinks that I am a member of the band, I keep telling him I am not. I consider myself as an auxillary, I'm only added when necessary and nothing more. I would totally do another show with the band again if they asked me to, but if I keep hearing people telling me that the band should pay me for the rapping I do, then I will stop rapping for good. Like I said before, I do this for the love of the music and not for the money and glamour. I don't think about those things. I consider the two shows I did with DCS to be the most fun I've ever had on stage and I am always open to doing it again. Do I forsee it happening soon, I don't think so. Considering that the last show I did, I ended up choking out a rapper and throwing them off the stage, which was a very sad moment in my "career" so to speak. Not to mention, I was in the midst of a downward spiral, which I will write about some other time.

Lonely Saturday night

8 o'clock
Sitting on the bedroom floor
The sounds of Aretha Franklin playing loudly
On my headphones
Turn Aretha off
Turn on the TV
Find nothing interesting
Put on a movie
Maybe it will keep me
From going stir crazy
Losing interest in the movie
What a shame
What to do now?
Turn on a video game
Almost at the high score
Now I'm starting to bore
....Now my stomach is starting to roar
Down to the kitchen I go
What delight should I partake?
Wait a minute, what's this?
A piece of pound cake
Now all I need is a glass of milk to wash it down
But, when I looked in the fridge
There was no milk to be found
Rats....I don't want to go to the store
So back upstairs I go
Check my cell phone
No one called
No voicemails, no text messages
Nothing at all
I start to scratch my head
Then I say to myself, I'm just gonna go to bed
I lay in bed
I toss and turn
I turn and toss
I can't sleep
So I get out of bed to make myself some tea
Take the laptop down with me
I turn on the stove
Put some water on
Then I sit down at my laptop
and write this poem.